Writing Abba’s Lament involved a lot of prayer and what I hope was Spirit-led imagination. Doug’s bible study on God as a father was quite helpful, especially when he challenged us to ponder what it was like for God the Father to witness the turning of the angelic prodigal, Lucifer. As a Christian I’d often wondered, “How could any being who had come face to face with Love, turn away from Love?”
Some scoff at any attempt to incorporate biblical truth with fantasy, but this adventure allowed me to consider the fullness of God the Father’s tenacious love. Revealing this great truth was my desire. Here are my glimpses of the Father.
Abba’s Lament Reviewer: “An excellent book! The book is well written and holds your interest all the way through to the end. It really showed the love God has for all of His creation…”
From Chapter Two
(Daystar speaking) “…I know the heart of Abba and His desire is for all of His created beings to be able to participate in building and developing the works of His hands. He considers us partners, not just family. Emmanuel told me that.”
They all smiled, each feeling the sensation of love that his words brought them. They knew intimately of the love of Abba. Each one has spent time in His presence, hearing His lavish words of affection, overcome by the tenderness of His touch. Each one knew that they were an original. No matter what their roles, each related to one another as siblings and friends.
As Daystar continued to praise the group and lavish them with the words of Abba, each one began to lift their hands, bow their heads, or kneel on the silken floor in worship. Daystar, overcome by the goodness of Abba’s plans, began to sing as the pipes built into his jeweled flesh sounded. As High Priest of the heavenly beings, he often led corporate music as his body played symphonic songs to Abba. A p
ure white light began to glow from each governor as worship continued.
Outside, tenants walking by the building stopped abruptly as the light expanded through the window of the Kodesh. The sounds of the High Priest in worship were immediately recognizable. Each tenant dropped to their knees and began to sing heavenly songs in heavenly languages.
Slowly and steadily, a distinct cloud began to descend onto Luz. The presence of Abba began to fill the city with his glory. Abba inhabits the praises of His creation.
From Chapter Three
The brilliant streak flashed before the eyes of Abba. Reflected in His eyes was every quark and atom in each galaxy. Like a giant microscope and faster than the speed of light, Abba fastened onto the streak and glistened with recognition. Widening with joy, His eyes welcomed this son with glowing tenderness.
“My son…” The voice of Abba vibrated with layers of emotion. Creating this son had been a special desire. The Creator had taken care to invest all of himself, except that which cannot be shared -His deity, into this one son who was to be second only to the Emmanuel who was deity Himself.
In appearance, Daystar and Emmanuel were like twins. However, the divine, spoke into existence the prince who was to be like a brother. Emmanuel, the Bright and Morning Star and Daystar reflected the resilient glory of their Abba.
“You have come.” This time, the voice sounded with satisfaction and pleasure.
Holy breath blew like a gentle breeze around Daystar. The eyes that envisioned, the voice that spoke forth these visions, belonged to the One who created all things, the One whose existence preceded knowledge. No created intelligence could behold the greatness and entirety of this One, yet, desiring to know and be known, the One introduced Himself to each new created being in the most intimate of names, the most tender of identities: Abba.
A name evokes manner. A name ordains and defines purpose. Abba is Love. The energy of a name generates the seed that carries every attribute and personality trait of the name. Not just Creator, but Abba, the most endearing, intimate relation possible for created beings. This name designates the role and function of the deity that is Three in One. As Abba envisions, the Son utters, and the Great Spirit of Abba performs.
Abba engulfed Daystar in His embrace. Daystar cherished the privilege of being His child, grasping his significance, acceptance and affirmation from the One who gave him life…Daystar sat close to the voice of Abba. How Daystar enjoyed listening to the rich timbres and resonance of Abba’s voice. He could listen with his eyes closed and see notes of melodic tunes dancing before him. The tunes were smooth and harmonious. Just as pleasurable as listening to Abba speak, was hearing him laugh. Daystar smiled. When Abba laughed, particles vibrated, creating flashes of colors and layers of musical sounds. The vibrations caused the atmosphere of creation to get pleasantly warmer and heavenly flesh to tingle…
Abba, the Father of lights smiled as the core of His essence, love, was absorbed by this son. His limitless, unsurpassable, everlasting love was received. Love extends, desiring to be known for its goodness. When it is known, maximum satisfaction is achieved.
Daystar, buoyed by the currents of Abba, nurtured by parental care, blinked as if waking from a dream. Awed by the power of love that so easily flowed and made songs erupt from his lips, he spoke.
“Abba, my Abba, I will do as You desire for Your desire is mine.”
From Chapter Nine and Ten
Helel approached the fiery stone path that led straight to the Great Throne. Suddenly he hesitated. This was different. Normally, he would walk confidently, almost in a hurry, to embrace and be embraced. But now his insides quaked and heaved and the cacophony within shouted for the right to be heard. Longing had turned into selfish ambition and delusion.
Teeth set, he marched forward with a mission in mind: to convince Abba that he, Helel, had acted wisely and deserved to be named Highest Governor of the new world, as well as the god of the Earth with all tenants under his command.
Getting closer, he saw Emmanuel standing at the right hand of Abba. Smugly, he thought how one day, that would be Atara, standing at his right hand, at his own throne.
“You called.”
Abba’s smoky cloud furled and unfurled and cascaded around Helel. Helel felt Eyes penetrate every atom of his being. Glancing over at Emmanuel, he saw Emmanuel’s eyes open wide and stare.
“Daystar, my dear son, I see something in your heart that I did not put there. I will call this thing iniquity, for I see that it is causing you to lean away from me. My son, do not lean away. Come near. Come close and let me help you overcome this iniquity.”
Helel stood, numb to tenderness, kindness and love. As he stood before the Throne, he resented that he stood, like a servant, while Emmanuel, his twin in appearance, was treated as an equal. Delusion knew no bounds of reason.
“I now prefer my other name, Helel Ben Shachar, for You created me to be Light Bearer to all tenants. I have done well. You call me the seal of perfection. I am perfect. Despite my perfection, I am denied the honor and glory that I am due.”
Abba peered at Helel and saw that indeed, the brightness of his eyes had faded.
“Helel. Helel Ben Shachar, yes, I named you this because you are the Light Bearer. I created you to emanate My Light to all. But My son, why has the light in your eyes faded? Why does the music within you not speak of peace and joy? Why do you not receive my love and peace?”
Helel stayed silent for a moment. His mind was a swirl of thoughts. “I…I desire to be recognized for the beauty and perfection that I have.” He cleared his throat. “I do not receive respect from the other governors and even some of their managers. Did You not name me Highest Governor and High Priest?”
“You are Highest Governor of Earth, yes. But Helel, Michael has already been here and spoken to me. Why have you broken the protocol that I set for you? Do you not know that I have your best in mind? Do you not know that as you all endeavor in this project on Earth, you need to seek My wisdom and counsel?”
Helel protested, “I am full of wisdom! You told me that yourself. Why should I seek it from You then?” He looked away from the Eyes. “Unless You told me that for another reason.”
“Oh my son, what other reason can you think of? What are you thinking?”
The billows of fatherly emotions swirled around Helel. Abba continued to surround Helel like a cloud. He waited patiently to be welcomed and received.
“I have organized, led, played and sung. All for You. What do I get out of this? I have received nothing.”
“Helel, my son, your thoughts are not My thoughts. Your thoughts lean away from what is true. Your governors love and adore you. Your brother, Michael was here not only out of obedience, but also because he is concerned about you.”
Upon hearing Michael’s name, Helel took a step back in offense.
“Michael. He does not respect me. He thinks that You would allow someone besides me to lead the new world even though no one has the glory that I have.”
“I would allow someone else to lead. Michael has asked to lead the new world and I have already told him that he could.”
The cacophonous quaking that ebbed during the conversation began to erupt again. “But why?!”
“My son, come near to me. Gaze at me. Know My heart. Silence your thoughts until I address each one of them. Silence your own thinking and hear My words. I am delighted that Michael wants to lead. I will help him and so will you.”
“Me?! Why should I give away my glory and my wisdom to another?”
Abba was silent for a moment.
“Helel Ben Shachar, son of the Dawn, your thoughts are speaking louder than My voice. Silence your thoughts. Be still and know that I am God. I am your God. I am your Creator and Father. I love you and adore you. I give to you all that I have to give. My love for you knows no bounds. As I give, I have created you to give also. As I love, I have created you to love also. Your glory will always be yours. Why do you think that I would give it away?”
Teeth set and fists clenched, Helel fought to ignore all that was being spoken to him. The fury raging inside gave him a sense of power and might that he had never known. The idea of being god of Earth gave him a sense of importance that met the longing borne during his first moment of introspection. As Helel heard Abba’s words, one phrase stood out. One phrase that he would use as proof that Abba would deny him honor and due respect.
Lifting up his eyes reddened by fury, he looked straight towards Abba. “One thing you deny me. One thing you will never give me.”
Emmanuel and Abba locked eyes. The cloud of Abba’s Spirit became still. They as One knew. They knew what Helel desired. And it was the one thing that could not be given.
“My son, I created you.”
Helel quaked. That was his answer. Although he was full of wisdom and the seal of perfection, he would never really have the full reign of power and authority that he desired.
Abba saw Helel shuddering and shaking, with sounds of dissonant chords and out of tune notes resounding in his heart.
Never before had Abba known grief. Sadness had never occurred. But now Abba wept. Love cried out.
“My son….my son…..silence your thoughts. Return My gaze. See My reflection in yourself and know. See Me and be restored.”
However, iniquity had already given forth to sin and Helel Ben Shachar chose to walk away from repentance.
Quickly Abba turned to His Son. “Go to him. Follow him. Do not let him out of Your sight. Speak to him and sing over him. Let Our words be louder than the words he hears in his head.”
my Father's crown 